The Difference Between a Maid of Honor and a Matron of Honor, Plus How to Have Both in Your Wedding

Wedding planning can be both fun and stressful—so many moving parts and tiny details can make any bride or groom feel as if they need more support. Generally, that's where the bridal party comes into play: the closest and dearest friends and family that the bride and groom can lean on in a pinch. Some of the most honored positions within a wedding party include the best man, maid of honor, and/or the matron of honor. But do you know the difference between a maid and matron of honor? These roles are important within the bridal party, but the difference between them is not always clear.

From the key distinction between these two common titles to the responsibilities associated with each role, here's how to decide whether your bridal party will have a maid of honor, a matron of honor—or both.

What's the Difference Between a Maid and Matron of Honor?

The difference between a maid of honor and a matron of honor is based on a simple and straightforward etiquette rule. "A maid of honor is unmarried, and a matron of honor is married," says Piper Hatfield, founder and creative director of Piper & Muse Events. "The only distinction is the marital status of the woman who has been honored with the title of honor."

Do You Need Both a Maid and Matron of Honor?

Short answer: No. "There is absolutely no reason to think that a bride needs both a maid AND a matron of honor by their side," says Hatfield. "They are synonymous." If you have just one sister, cousin, or best friend you want to ask, you're under no obligation to come up with a second person just to fill the other role,

However, if you have two friends or family members you're equally close to, you can invite them both to use (or share) these titles on your wedding day. "A bride may have both a maid of honor and a matron of honor because she has two best friends that she wants to include—many times, this tends to be a bride who has both a sister and a very important best friend, and she didn't want to have to pick between the two of them," says Hatfield. "In this case, if they were both married, they would both be Matrons of Honor, or if both single, Maids of Honor."

What Are the Jobs of Each?

Whether you have a maid of honor or a matron of honor standing beside you on your wedding day, her role doesn't change. "The responsibilities that come with the position are the same regardless of the maid or matron title," says Hatfield. These might include accompanying the bride to dress fittings, planning the shower and bachelorette party, interfacing with the rest of the bridal party, and making a toast at the reception. (If you have both a maid and matron of honor, encourage them to split and share these responsibilities based on which each woman feels best suited to handle.)

Is It Better to Have a Maid or Matron of Honor?

The most important factor to consider when choosing to have a maid of honor, a matron of honor, or both is which person you feel most comfortable leaning on during the wedding-planning process—regardless of whether she's already married or not.

"It can be an extra bonus to have a matron of honor, who has undoubtedly experienced a bit of the stress of a wedding and may have a little better advice or knowledge about weddings and wedding planning," says Hatfield. "That said, no two brides are the same, no two weddings are the same, and priorities can be completely different. Never assume your matron of honor must know what's important to you just because she's been through the process. A good friend and a woman who is truly deserving of the title will be happy and appreciative to hear your input."

How to Help the Two Share the Spotlight

When you have two of your closest friends or family members sharing these honorary roles, there's always a chance that someone will get her feelings hurt—whether it's your sister who always imagined doing the job alone or your high school bestie and college roommate, who don't really click. Make sure each woman feels appreciated and special by helping them share the spotlight.

Opt for Non-Matching Attire

Whether the bridal party wears identical or mismatched gowns is always up to the bride, but consider letting the maid and matron of honor choose gowns that are different from the other bridesmaids—and from each other, say Summer Newman and Stephanie Ko of Summer Newman Events. "Other ways could be through hair styling, make-up, or floral bouquets," they say.

Include Both in Your Ceremony

The woman who stands next to the bride often holds the bouquet—it's simply more convenient, say Newman and Ko. "Traditionally, the individual who is closer in relationship to the bride, whether maid or matron, usually will stand closer to the bride; In other cases, it may be a sibling stands closer," they say. "When there are multiple siblings, it may just be the oldest or the one you’re closest in age to."

In more extreme cases, there's yet another option: "If they are equally close, considerations can be based on other factors—like choosing the person who will cause less drama." The woman standing second in line might play another role in the ceremony—sharing a reading or performing a song—to help distinguish between the two.

Decide Who to Pair With the Best Man

If you've already determined who will stand next to the bride, then that woman will also be the one who walks with the best man. "However, a maid of honor and matron of honor can both be escorted down the aisle by the best man," say Newman and Ko. "You can also always add an additional best man." If the best man and maid or matron of honor are married to each other, then they will often walk together (this also helps you determine which woman stands next to the bride).

What If the Two Aren't Getting Along?

While every bride dreams of a conflict-free bridal party, that's not always the reality. "This unfortunately does happen," say Newman and Ko. "If a bride knows that her maid and matron of honor will not get along but still wants to bestow these honors to them, they can work with the planner to help distribute job responsibilities. In doing this, you’re helping them to both feel like they’ve played a significant part but also create the distance needed to avoid conflict."

If you still can't get your maid and matron to put aside their differences, then you have some hard choices to make. "In the event that the peace can’t be kept, you may have to decide to let one go. We recommend leaning on your other bridesmaids and spouse-to-be to help navigate this decision and provide support," say Newman and Ko. "We highly stress that if you’re a maid or matron of honor, you remember that though you are incredibly important to the bride and are cherished, it is still very much about the couple."